“…all these are written in the records of the seers.” 2 Ch. 33:19
King Manasseh might have intended to erase the record of all he had done in his life had he been able to do so, yet it was etched in stone and couldn’t be removed. What he had done, either good or bad, couldn’t be undone no matter how mighty and powerful he was.
What the king should have done was to consider the possible consequences of all the things he was going to do. Had he done so, he might not have done a lot of things that he intended to do.
“Will this reckless action I am about to do cause me any regrets later?” This is the question that we must ask ourselves before we take any action in question, and by doing so we may save ourselves from having any regret or sorrow after the deed is done.
We may be able to suppress the memory of all our wrongdoings and not bring them to the surface of our consciousness, but that does mean they will be submersed forever. The hard drive of our mind will take down all we have ever done, down to the smallest details both of our actions and thoughts, and there is absolutely no way the memory can ever be deleted. What we have done will gradually become who we are, and our identity will never be annihilated. We are indeed our memory, and as long as we exist, it will also remain.
By what evidence will we be judged before the judgment throne of the Lord? Isn’t it all the things that are etched in our memory, an imperishable tablet of stone?
There isn’t a single moment in my entire life when I am completely pleased with myself, either inwardly or outwardly. Therefore, the self-condemnation and loathing have always been present in my heart. Indeed, “If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and he knows all things,” wrote the apostle John. If so, we will surely be driven to the brink of despair and abandon all hope of ever reaching the destination where we can be accepted totally by the Almighty.
Then we are reminded what Manasseh did when he became utterly desperate: he abandoned himself and turned to the Lord in utter repentance, which was the only thing he could have done at the moment, and it turned out that he did the wisest thing.
There are only two things that we can possibly do under the circumstances actually. We ought to do our absolute best to keep our record on earth clean and holy, void of any filth or flaw, so that there will be no regret when we pay our memory a visit. Secondly, daily repentance is still an utter necessity, for our best efforts will always fall short and all our merits blemished. We are doomed but for God’s mercy.